Was It Depression?

I was at my lowest a few months ago. I think somehow, I developed some kind of (not so severe) depression. Self-diagnosed gaaagahahah! It wasn't severe. Most probably, I was stressed out, severely lulz. I wanted to run away from everyone. I doubted myself, feeling useless and never good enough.

So what did I do to heal myself?

I stayed away from people. I don't go out much. Staying at home actually helps. I think I'm recovering. I need time.

I need my time.

wut dis

So, today I asked my male friend about him breaking up with his (now ex) girlfriend. He described how heartbroken he was (or still is?). To be honest I was surprised lol. I didn’t expect guys to have such feeling.

The feeling he felt is something like… he got lost and did not pay much attention to his surrounding or something like that. Ke aku exaggerate?!! Kahkah. To me, that is severe enough.

Anyway, the situation led me to this question “Camni ke orang putus cinta rasa?” Mind you, I’ve never been in love (crush adalah but I still feel….normal? Lol). Also, I am glad that I’ve never been in love, or gotten my heart crushed. However, since I am soooo curious, I want to have my heart shattered by a guy I will, hopefully soon, attached to. Just for the sake of experiencing it. I am crazy like that, I know.

Here’s my Islamic conclusion when it comes to loooooooooooove. The reason you feel lost when someone breaks your heart is because you love the person more than you love your Creator. The priority gone wrong. That is what everyone tends to do anyway. It is inevitable (I guess?) If I were in love, I think I would do the same thing; loving a human being more than I love my Creator. So I think if you really think the person is the one for you, include his/her name in your prayer. Yes, things like this sound cliché and cheesy and nak muntah bagai but hey I always believe doa ialah senjata setiap umat. Eh betul ke ayat aku? Hahah!

I do think I sound like Ustazah now wowerrzzz

Anyway, I hope I could take care of my heart. So far, it is taken well gahahahah by myself although I meroyan quite a bit.

Here’s my not-so-Islamic-entahlah-aku-pun-tak-kisah-conclusion; tak payah la bercinta. Menyusahkan diri dah lah kena jaga hati orang, hati sendiri pun tak terjaga kan?

On another note, I feel happy today! Mungkin sebab siap file probate. But I still have assignment lain waiting for me. Dua tests this week. Let’s all hope I could survive!!!

I AM BACK

Dear self,

Whoa lamanya tak blog. Setahun. Okay tak lama tapi aku rindu menaip. There are things that you can't just rant to people, you need another medium. Even if they allow you to rant pun, eventually they'll get annoyed and pffft who actually cares about your goddamn sad stories?

For the past one year and a half, so many things/changes happened to me.
They said, have courage (cinderella said that). That's what I did. I gathered my courage and I did the most unexpected thing. May I blame my curiousity and boredom?

I'll blog about it later.

Okay, so I'm still in law school. What a surprise. A part of me wanted to give up already. Another part wanted to beg my mom suruh kahwinkan aku cepat lol because law school is hell and I want to depend on someone and be a housewife or something or a malay version of Martha Stewart. But I still love it. I don't know. It's a love-loathe feeling.

What I realised is, I've changed. A lot. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and whatever ly that I don't have in my dictionary due to my poor vocabulary lol. I'm not saying I hate all these changes but I don't like them either. I think it's a journey of discovering the real me? I don't know. I'm turning 23 this year but I don't think I act like a 23-year-old lady/woman/girl. I don't know.

What I know is, I'm missing a lot of people hmm

Anyway it's good to be back! It's good to write again after so long! Nobody is reading is, but I'll keep updating myself. Lulzzzz I'M A BIG FAN OF MYSELF ALL HAIL ME I HAIL ME

Aku tak pernah faham manusia yang rasa tidak mengapa jika mengendahkan arahan Allah (eg : menutup aurat), asalkan hati sudah baik. (read : berperikemanusiaan)

"Tuhan, benarkan aku masuk syurga. Hati aku adalah hati seorang insan yang mulia. Hati mulia lebih tinggi dari menutupi aurat, ya Tuhan!"


**

Aku tak faham. Kalau selak al-Quran memang selak bab 'claim hati tu hati baik' ke? Tak selak bab lain ke?

Me

Bibir ketandusan senyuman.

Aku rasa sebenarnya aku ni makin egois.

Tadi belajar aku dengarlah lagu, lepas tu ada satu lagu ni aku selalu skip dalam playlist. Lepas tu tetiba entah macamana aku lupa nak skip. Aku pun hayatilah lirik lagu ni. Ha ambik kau sentap terus hahahaahahahahahha k

Susahnya nak tidur hoi!

Aku delete post sebelum ni sebab kalau ada siapa siapa terbaca kang nanti diaorang kata aku liberal. Tak weh, serious tak liberal *nangis* emosi je terlebih *nangis*


Bila difikirkan kan balik, benci lah dosa itu, bukan pendosanya. Hm okay baiklah. Aku cuba. Sebab ye lah, aku pun buat dosa kan, sembahyang tunggang terbalik hari hari tapi hari hari jugalah buat dosa. Nampak sangat solat tak perfect eh...


Anywayyyyyy, aku kan memang suka tidur kan. Tapi lepas study week, balik kolej balik aku tak boleh tidur malam weh. Lepas subuh terdampar atas katil macam dugong sampai tengahari. Nampak sangat memang bukan spesis layak kahwin *duduk di corner bilik peluk lutut*


Yang teruk kelmarin lah. Pagi tu exam criminal law, malam tu tak boleh tidur langsung sebab cases bergayut gayut di minda. Terlelap sekejap mimpi cases. PERIT TAU TAK?!! Terbangun lepas tu refer case yang aku mimpi tu.


Dah semuanya tamat, aku tidur sampai ke tengahari (lagi) aku mimpi hantu. Nak defeat hantu tu kena refer cases. WHUT WHUT?! Hantu ni dah macam kebal dengan surah yassin ke apa entah.


Maknanya kena study lah tu. Okay nak sambung equity & trust pulak. Subject ni pun aku redha tawakal je lah hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhuhuhuhuhuhuhu